Tag Archives: dating

Is Choosing a Car Like Choosing a Boyfriend? Read if you have trouble choosing either.

I had to buy a car recently, and the process made me think of a line in ‘Blue Valentine’.  In discussing how women choose a mate, Ryan Gosling says, “…it seems like girls get to a place where they just kinda pick the best option… ‘Oh he’s got a good job.’ I mean they spend their whole life looking for Prince Charming and then they marry the guy who’s got a good job and is gonna stick around.”

Much like dating, buying a car can be exciting but also a huge pain in the ass! You go into it with a certain idea and sometimes end up driving off with something entirely different.  The entire process made me think about settling in relationships, and how sometimes we date a person because they have enough of the “features” that we need at that moment.  They may not be our “dream car/guy”, but they get us from point A to point B.  And for the moment that’s enough.  Kinda like the difference between “Mr. Right” and “Mr. Right Now”.

I was originally so scared and desperate about the prospect of walking in LA that I said I just wanted any car that would get me to work without breaking down on me.  I don’t really have a dream car like a Maserati (a Brad Pitt) so I had no standard or starting point. Then I started doing research, looking around and being romanced by car dealers.  I got stuck on the idea of a Honda or a Toyota because they’re cute, affordable and reliable.  Color is the first thing I notice on cars (but that doesn’t make me a racist!), and I like compact cars (but not compact guys) so I really wanted something like this:

I have a bit of a wandering eye, so no matter how hot the guy is that I’m currently dating, I tend to look at other boys and think, “Should I be dating him?”  I’m the same way with cars.  I might be driving just the car I wanted but will still look around and think, “I should have gotten that FIAT or that MINI!  It’s sooo cute!”  That mentality kept me stuck in the process of looking and negotiating and also kept me in a rental for 2 weeks!  I just wanted a car already!  But like with anything else, TIMING IS EVERYTHING.  The person you’re dating and the car you’re driving RIGHT NOW are the result of where you are, what you can afford, and what you need in this moment.  Sometimes the car or the guy will find you. After a long, grueling process that I just didn’t want to do anymore (much like dating), I ended up buying on a Kia Spectra–something I’d never even considered, because it was the best available deal on the lot that I happened to be on that day:

Sure, it’s cute.  It’s reliable.  It’s got decent gas mileage and I like the color.  But will I still be checking out every cute teal-colored Honda or blue Mini that I didn’t purchase?  Of course!  That’s the wonderful gift that comes with doubting every decision I make.

The Kia reminds me of the guy I was dating at the time who helped me pick it out.  It wasn’t the most head-turning car, not my ideal by any means, but it had what I needed at the time and it was available.  I wound up with monthly payments that were slightly higher than I had originally tried to bargain.  So in the end I wonder if I should have buckled and leased a Honda from that shady dealership.  But alas, I walked out on that deal.  I also turned down a blue Nissan Versa, which I think I would have loved. Hell, at least I know that no decision is final and I can always trade up eventually. Thanks for letting me share.

Top Five Rules Girls / “Bitches” on Televison

If you’ve read ‘the Rules’ or ‘Why Men Love Bitches’, or any similar books, you know the type of girl they’re talking about: the type of girl you want to be if you’re reading those books. The woman men fall all over themselves for even though they might not be the prettiest girl around. There’s something about these girls (not Mary). Though I didn’t always know what they were called, I was always able to identify those girls on television. If you wanna be like them, study these bitches (in no particular order):
  1. Winnie Cooper on ‘the Wonder Years’ – Let’s face it, she wasn’t hot. She was weird looking. Yet she had Kevin Arnold, adolescent man-whore, completely whipped. Not to mention every other boy in school including, at one time, Kevin’s best friend Paul. She dated the school bully who emasculated Kevin, the popular stud, an older boy…she had em lining up! And Kevin, even though it seemed like almost every episode was about a different girl, always carried a torch for Winnie. Even when he eventually got her and they dated, she kept him on his toes. Ironically, the opposite of Winnie Cooper, which most girls are, was played by Winnie’s real life sister, in an episode where she dated Kevin but realized he still liked Winnie. This girl, Becky Slater, was aggressive, needy, clingy and jealous. Sound familiar? In the end, Kevin was afraid of Becky and always went back to Winnie. It says a lot about me that I identified more with Kevin then with Winnie.  I HATED Winnie Cooper!
Really, Kevin??

2. Rebecca Donaldson on ‘Full House’ – The fact that she was pretty didn’t make    her a Rules girl…in fact, she aptly portrayed the opposite in a film ‘Secret Admirer’, where she played a guy’s female best friend who was secretly and hopelessly in love with him. Becky was different. She was attracted to Uncle Jesse right away. I mean, who wasn’t? But she didn’t show it. She acted indifferent, unimpressed, even offended by his overtures. She certainly didn’t hop in to bed with him…EVER. Not even after they got married and had those adorable Sprouse twins! Okay, now I’m being ridiculous. Anyway, the way she played hottie Stamos landed her the role of “Aunt Becky”.

3. Ashley Frasier on ‘Fifteen’ – A lesser-known show on Nickelodeon, this show had me hooked because I was fascinated by this Ashley character who was beautiful, shy, demure, classy, and irresistible. All guys wanted her and all girls wanted to be friends with her. At such a young age I was impressed with this actresses ability to portray such a quintessential rules girl. Ashley got the hottest guys and when she ended up dating the school jerk, she didn’t tolerate him for long. Even when guys had her, they never really had her. Classic love avoidant. So fun to watch!

4. Kelly Kapowski on ‘Saved By the Bell’ – This one is a no-brainer. Kelly had the two most popular guys in school fighting over her constantly. Then she dumped the hotter one for a hotter older man! She broke player Zack Morris’s heart over and over. She was the right mix of indifferent and sweet. Couple interesting things about this rules girl: a) She lost her juju in the later years once she let Zack go…she became kind of a ditz instead of what she was. b) Tiffani Amber Thiessen also played the exact opposite of a rules girl, Valerie Malone, and Kelly (though she was about two cup sizes smaller) was arguably MUCH hotter than Valerie simply because of her Rules girl status. c) Random side note I found interesting: the man who played Kelly Kapowski’s father also played Tiffini Amber’s gynecologist who performed her rape kit in a Lifetime movie. Creepy.

5. Last but certainly not least, Kristin Cavallari on ‘the Hills’ – This one’s for real. Kristin is probably more of a “Bitch” than a Rules Girl, but this girl gets shit done. I’m sure she puts out on the first date, but somehow she manages to always have the upper hand. When her friend Alex on the show asked her what she does to always have guys all over her, she replied correctly, “It’s ’cause I’m a bitch!” She had the hottest guys on Laguna Beach and in Hollywood looking like idiots trying to get her attention. The fact that she was on television for many years before I ever saw her cry over a guy is telling. And that bitch can’t act, so that shit was for real.

Feel free to add other rules girls to this list. For the record, later female characters were the opposite of Rules girls, a la Angela Chase on ‘My So-Called Life’ and ‘Felicity’ on ‘Felicity’. These girls break all the Rules, and that’s why modern girls identified with them.

The Sexual Revolution Ruined Everything

Quote from the TV show ‘Friends’:

Joey: Heh. Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him. He got you to say he never has to call you again. And he got you thinking this is a  great idea?
Phoebe: [weakly] Uh-huh.
Joey: This man is my God! 

I want to preface this by saying that I am guilty of many of the things I am about to bitch about. If you don’t relate, this doesn’t apply to you. If you’re offended, take a look at it. I would also like to say that I am NOT a feminist and am sort of anti-feminist. Yeah we get to vote and work now. Woo. hoo. I’m so happy. BUT…

Did we really get more in the end? I am a firm believer that men only behave as badly as women allow them to get away with. Since the sexual revolution, slowly but surely, things have gotten progressively worse for women. And we wonder why men don’t commit or treat us right? We train them not to. It has been said that men behave as badly as we allow them to, but I think that applies to everyone.

We pretty much uttered the following phrases through our actions:
“We want to work full time AND raise the kids, or dump them on to someone else (and possibly also go to school so our kids will “be proud of us”).”
“You’re a misogynist prick if you try to hold the door open for me or carry something heavy!”
“We want to live with you for years and years and you don’t have to marry us!”
“We want to put out for free. We don’t even need dinner anymore!  In fact, we might go ahead and support you financially!”
“We will accept the terms ‘hanging’, ‘talking’, ‘kickin it’ as synonyms for dating and courting. Then we will be confused about “what we are” and ask our girlfriends what kind of relationship they think we’re in.

News flash, ladies:

There was a time men didn’t behave this way. Why? Because we didn’t tolerate it, nor did society. And because we didn’t put out for bums the way we do now.  (Literally.  I know beautiful, educated women who have slept with homeless men.) So men had to act right or not get any. Or go to prostitutes. But damn, at least they got paid!

And the saddest part is, if me and ten of my girlfriends stopped sleeping with guys who haven’t done anything to earn it, it doesn’t matter because they’ll be fifty other chicks who will put out for free. Starting from junior high. Girls are giving blow jobs before teen years to be accepted.  Women are lining up to sleep with ‘the Situation’, who is the definiton of a “butterface” (though that term doesn’t apply to men, of course!)  It’s like a disease and there’s no cure.  I often long for a “return to traditional moral values”, as Patrick Bateman put it.  But since writing this, I have moved closer toward acceptance of the status quo, knowing I alone can do nothing to change it.  This is the era I was born into.

What am I saying? I don’t fucking know. God knows I’ve trained my share of men to treat women this way. I accepted it as the way it is. But I’m growing so weary of it and wonder what it was like for women before we demanded “equality”.  All I know is, you know how Kate Winslet’s character in ‘Revolutionary Road’ felt?  Well, I feel exactly the OPPOSITE.  Why women want so badly to work and open their own doors is beyond me.  Another news flash: men and women are not the same.  That’s why we have different pronouns.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not by any means saying we are superior or inferior.  I am a woman who is self-supporting, make more money than most of the guys I “date”, and am pursuing a masters.  Why?  Partially because society tells me I have to, but also because I don’t want to be in my mother’s position–dependent on a man and ill-equipped to support herself and her children.

Thanks for nothin’, bitch!